Free Range Blogger: 2013

1) Electricity is fucking awesome.

2) As much as you love your family, given enough time cooped up together, murder WILL cross your mind. (To eat them, shut them up, or win at Candyland...)

3) A gas fireplace does NOT heat the house. It heats a 3 foot radius. And you have to fight a very pissed off cat for that tiny space.

4) 21 inches of snow is a lot of fucking snow. Also, did you know that snow will drift? That shit is sneaky.

5) Gas stoves can mean the difference between life and death. Let me rephrase that...having a gas stove AND a coffee percolator can mean the difference between life and death. (Are you writing this down? Remember, you won't have Internet or power, so take note.)

6) Freaking out wastes valuable energy. It also makes everyone in the house realize who they'll kill first in the zombie apocalypse. Just trust me on this one and remain calm.

7) Once all of your electronics die, there's no music. Did you hear me? No. Music. I think this was the hardest part of being without electricity. Aside from the frostbite.

8) Little kids that have nothing to do but scream to hear their voice echo through the frozen house are really, REALLY ~~annoying~~ cute. I'll stop there.

9) Bulldogs will sleep through anything. I think the cold lowered Dozer's blood pressure even more and put him in a state of suspended animation. I highly recommend bulldogs for the low maintenance factor.

10) Living anywhere that can have a "blizzard" is NOT recommended. EVER.

11) I don't just hate snow, but if snow were a person, I would choke it out and put 3 silver bullets in its chest. THEN I would cut off its head and burn it. Can't be too careful here. I wouldn't want it to come back to life because it's really a vampire or werewolf. (Team Edward!)

12) 60 mph winds cutting across your house sound like a woman screaming. I think Mother Nature likes to fuck with you..."Oh, 21 inches of snow, 21 degrees AND no power? Let's REALLY freak these people out. *giggle*" (FYI - That *giggle* was Mother Nature. Shes EVIL.)

13) The pilgrims survived this shit? Holy cow.

14) How the fuck did they survive?

15) They probably used their weak as Tauntaun sweaters.

16) And lastly, the most important thing I learned is that I wouldn't want to be trapped in a blizzard with anyone other than these people. MY PEOPLE. They kept me laughing and, even though I was freezing the ENTIRE time, they kept my heart warm. Does it get any better than that? No. It doesn't.

Addendum to #16 - As it turns out, it DOES get better than that. When the electricity comes back on.

**Was 'EPIC' really necessary in the title? You're goddamn right it was.