Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Parenting: The Early Years (as illustrated through pictures)

So you find out you're pregnant and you feel like you're Superwoman. This is a joyous and wondrous time.




You wait and wait, and FINALLY the bundle of joy arrives. Over the next few days, you realize this tiny person OWNS YOU.






You spend the first few months trying to keep them alive, but you have no idea what you're doing.



 
 
 
 
As time creeps by, you start to realize that babies freak the fuck out over NOTHING. (HAHAHA! Ride it out, motherfuckers! It only gets worse!)
 
 
 
 
 
 
Then shit gets real...
 
 
 

 
 
 
Through your exhaustion, you spot them doing something one day that makes you realize they are literally too stupid for their own good.
 
 
 

 
 
 
You realize that bad things can happen to them, so you start to drink. Like. A. Fish.
 
 
 
 
 
 
As the child grows, they realize they have superpowers and have the ability to...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
And you think...
 
 
 
 
 
 
Thankfully, they eventually start school.
 
 
 
 
 
 
But end up making *cute* signs like these.
 
 
 
 
 
 
So, you send them to Grandma's to get a mental health break, but shit like this goes down.
 
 
 
 
 
 
And they come home with toys like these. (You KNOW that shit's on purpose.)
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
In your exhausted despair, you drink some more. Until, one day, you stumble into the kitchen and find this.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
After you get out of the clinic, you realize it's not REALLY so bad. Yes, you're exhausted, hungry and all kinds of cranky...but you're also completely in love. These life-sucking little people have completely stolen your heart and you are blissfully happy. Is there anything better than that? *YAWN*
 
 
 
 
 
 
The end. For now...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
(Note - I do NOT own any of these pictures. The internet does.)