Sleepless In Massachusetts

I don't sleep very much, but it's not for lack of trying. We keep our room fairly cool, and have a very comfortable mattress, so it's not that. We even bought 'luxury' bedding in an attempt to help me sleep. (FYI- save your money.) So what's the problem? It's complicated, but I'll try to explain...

My husband hogs the covers and my cat sleeps on my head. There. I said it. So maybe it's not that complicated, but it is frustrating. Let's take a closer look at these wildly irritating factors:

#1) My husband hogs the covers. When we get ready for bed all is well. I have my fair share of the blanket, and I'm feeling optimistic that I'll be able to sleep through the night. He even promises that tonight will be the night that his reign of cover-hogging-terror will come to an end. It doesn't matter that he has promised this unsuccessfully for the last few years, I believe him. So, in my highly optimistic mood, I kiss him goodnight and he rolls over. He falls asleep quickly and begins to make these content little "I'm asleep and it's SOOO heavenly" noises. Over the course of the next hour he successfully wraps himself up in all of the covers and then starts to twitch. My frustration mounts as I slowly begin to freeze to death. But, hey, at least he's cozy.

#2) My cat sleeps on my head. Before you even say it, I've tried. I've locked him out of the room, to which he slips his paw underneath the door and rattles it...loudly. I've locked him up in the 'cat room' (aka-the laundry room) and he howls this soulful howl that can only be fully appreciated in person. This leaves me with two options: I can (a) let him out, or (b) spend the next morning answering questions down at the police station. (Apparently, a strange howling sound coming from your house is enough to make the neighbors suspicious and call the cops.) I decide to take the path of least resistance and let him out. After fending him off for a while, I manage to fall asleep. Long story short, I wake up, he's on my head and I'm breathing in cat hair. To say I feel irritated is an understatement. I push him off, roll onto my side...

...and come face-to-face with my hubby. He's rolled up so tightly that I'm worried he might slip into an oxygen-deprived coma. (Albeit, a warm and cozy oxygen-deprived coma, but a coma nonetheless.) He's also smacking his lips in sweet slumbering bliss. I feel my eye start to twitch. He promised!! It doesn't matter that he's asleep and unaware of his breach in our verbal contract. He. PROMISED.

All the different ways I can reclaim a small amount of the covers start flashing through my mind. But, honestly, is it worth it? It'll just start the process all over again and I'm too tired and irritated for that. So, I give up and roll onto my back. As if on cue, my cat crawls back to my pillow and lays on my head. I've read that you lose most of your heat through your head, so at least my head is warm. That's something, right? RIGHT?!?

Oh, well. There's always tomorrow night...